Better Than Me
by ElizabethlovesJack
Summary: Sequel to Stay Read that first. Songfic to Better than me by Hinder. Elliot is in a bar two weeks after Liv left him. Now Kathy has left him and he wishes that he hadn't screwed things up with Liv. mentioned EO


**A/N: **This story is a sequel to my fic "Stay". If you haven't read that one then this probably won't make much sense. I never really planned on writing a sequel but so many people seemed interested in it that I decided to think about it. I knew that I wanted to do another song fic but I just needed to find the right song. I was debating between this one, "Tonight I Wanna Cry" - by Keith Urban, and "Wait For You" - by Elliot Yamin. I decided that this would be the best one. I hope you like it:D

**Disclaimer: **Dick owns 'em. Damn, if only he would let me borrow them. Hey Dick if you're reading this, give me a call we'll talk!! Hinder owns the lyrics. Damn, I don't own anything do I? How could I let this happen? ...Well I guess I suck!

**Better Than Me**

**By: ElizabethlovesJack**

Elliot Stabler looked into his glass and swirled around the liquid before taking a sip. The whiskey burned his throat as he downed what was left in his glass. He took a deep breath and stared at the wooden counter of the bar. He looked around at the people all drinking happily and laughing with their friends. He was jealous. He was jealous that they could go on living their lives like nothing in the world was wrong. Tonight, however, his job and the horrors that came with it, were the farthest things from his mind. The only scenerio that kept playing over and over in his head was one that had occured two weeks earlier. Olivia had asked him to come over to her apartment. When he got there she was sitting on the couch and had been crying. That was when she told him that it was over. He had really screwed up with her. He knew that he loved her much more than he loved Kathy but that stupid little conscience wouldn't let him leave his wife. Now he had neither woman in his life. Kathy had come home a few days ago wanting to talk. He had tried to ignore his feelings for Olivia but he couldn't. He told Kathy about the affair and she had left him even though he assured her that it was over. She told him to get out of the house so he had gone to the precinct. He had been sleeping in the crib for the past several days.

Now as he sat in the bar trying to drown his feelings in alcohol, he could not stop thinking about what he had done to the love of his life. He treated her like a slut, like his mistriss and it was killing him.

_I think you can do much better than me,  
After all the lies that I made you believe.  
__Guilt kicks in and I start to see,  
__The edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be._

Elliot ordered another drink and completely ignored the young blonde that was trying to get his attention. He kept thinking the situation over in his head, trying to find out where it went wrong. He knew what went wrong. It was his dumb-ass fault for thinking that Olivia wouldn't mind that he stayed with Kathy. He hated himself for even thinking that it would be the best. He knew that Olivia deserved much much better that what he had given her. He hated himself even more because he always told her that he planned to leave Kathy but in reality he had no intentions of doing so.

_I told myself I won't miss you,  
__But I remember,  
__What it feels like beside you._

Right after Olivia had left, Elliot had tried to convince himself that he didn't need her. He tried to make himself be happy with Kathy. Despite how hard he tried to forget Olivia, every time he kissed, hugged even made love to Kathy, he couldn't help but think about Olivia. He was constantly remembering things they had done or even just watching her sleep. He missed her and he was miserable without her.

_I really miss your hair in my face,  
__And the way your innocence tastes.  
__And I think you should know this,  
__You deserve much better than me._

He wanted her back so bad, so bad that it hurt. But he knew that he didn't deserve her. He would never be deserving of her love again. Hell he didn't think he deserved it the first time. Even so, he wanted her. He found himself thinking about her twenty-four-seven. It was even beginning to affect his job.

_While looking through your old box of notes.  
__I found those pictures I took,  
__That you were looking for.  
__If there's one memory I don't wanna lose,  
__That time at the mall,  
__You and me in the dressing room._

Downing another drink, he thought about that time, a few days after she left, when he had been looking through his desk. He found pitcures of the two of them at one of Fin's parties. That was taken before they had gotten together but even then you could see how much they loved each other. They were sitting on a bench outside. Elliot had raised his beer to the camera but just before Fin took the picture, Olivia had laughed at something and Elliot looked over at her grinning. He had his arm around her pulling her close to him and if someone hadn't known the two detectives, they would have thought that the two people in the picture were madly in love. They were, to be honest, madly in love.

Despite his depressed mood, he couldn't help but laugh as he thought about the first time they had sex at the precinct. It had been very late and they thought that everyone had gone home, so they went to the locker room and jumped in the shower. Unfortunately for them, Casey had come looking to talk to them. She went to the locker room and when she heard the shower running, she figured she would just wait for Olivia. Then she heard her friend moaning and, not knowing about the affair, she thought Olivia was in trouble. Needless to say Casey got an eyefull of both detectives that she never wanted. To this day, Casey was the only one that knew about the relationship. She had been thoroughly pissed off at Elliot when she found out why Olivia left the precinct. Elliot guessed that she still kept in contact with the brunette but dared not to ask where she was, for fear that the ADA might just shove her softball bat someplace where it didn't belong.

_I told myself I won't miss you,  
__But I remember,  
__What it feels like beside you._

_I really miss your hair in my face,  
__And the way your innocence tastes.  
__And I think you should know this,  
__You deserve much better than me._

_This bed I'm lying in is getting colder.  
__Wish you never would've said 'it's over'  
__And I can't pretend...  
__I won't think about you when I'm older.  
__'Cause we never really had our closure.  
__This can't be the end._

Elliot looked into the bottom of his third empty glass. He wished that he could just talk to her. Even if only for a second. He just needed to see her. He just wanted to let her know that he felt like an ass and that he had deserved what he got. Hell, in his opinion, she had gone too easy on him. He wished that they could just talk and at least resolve some things. He wondered if she hated him or not. He hoped that she didn't but he could understand if she did. He felt like he needed to talk to her at least for her sake. That way she would be able to move on and live a happy life. She deserved a man that would treat her like a princess; the way Elliot should have treated her; the way he would treat her if he was ever graced with the miracle of a second chance. But he wouldn't get his hopes up. If he was her, he wouldn't even take himself back.

_I really miss your hair in my face,  
__And the way your innocence tastes.  
__And I think you should know this,  
__You deserve much better than me._

He turned and look towards the door as the bell rang, signaling another person coming to mock him with their laughter and good mood. His heart stopped when he saw her there, looking like an angel.

"Liv," he whispered. He felt like he was dreaming. She looked around the bar but her brown eyes stopped when they met his clouded blue ones. She kept eye contact with him for a few seconds before nervously looking around her. When she recognized no one, her eyes returned to his. Elliot took a deep breath as she walked over to where he was sitting. She stood at the bar next to him and ordered a water. He hadn't looked away from her since the second he had noticed her. He knew he was staring but he couldn't help it. Here was his chance. She looked good, he noticed. This was it; if he wanted to talk to her, now was the time. He was frozen. He couldn't move.

"Elliot," she said quietly, looking anywhere but at him. "How have you been?" A million things came to his mind; miserable, depressed, loney, heartbroken...he could go on forever.

"Ok I guess," he muttered. He wanted so badly to kiss her and make up for all the hurt he caused her, but he knew he couldn't. That would just make things worse.

"How's the new partner? I think Casey said her name is Dani?" _So she __**has **__been in contact with Casey! I knew it,_ he thought. Elliot noticed that she sounded bitter. He couldn't tell if it was at him or at the fact that his new partner was another woman.

"Yeah..." he didn't really know what else to say.

"How's that working out?" Yup she was definately bitter with his new partner.

"It's not," he replied bluntly. "She's not..." he was going to say 'you' but he thought better of it. "She's not very good with the victims...or the perps...or anyone else for that matter."

"Oh..." He noticed the change in her voice. She sounded almost relieved. Like she was worried that he would like Dani better than her. That could never happen. "So...how's Kathy?" The bitterness had returned.

"She...Kathy left me Liv." She finally looked over at him but when he saw the look in her eyes, it killed him.

"Oh Elliot...I'm so sorry." He could tell she really was sorry and that was what killed him. She shouldn't be sorry. "Was it...was it because of me?"

"Yes. It was because of you." He wasn't going to lie to her. She looked away again, not able to look him in the eye, for fear that she might cry. He noticed the sadness in her eyes just before she looked away and took her hands in his. "Yes Liv. Kathy left me because I told her about us. But it was in _no way _your fault. Don't think that. Not even for a second. It's completely my fault." She looked down at where he was still holding her hands and he pulled them back quickly.

"Sorry." She looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

"You told her?" She sounded hopeful which made his heart melt.

"Yes. I had to. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I knew that what I had done was wrong and it wasn't fair to either one of you, especially you."

_I really miss your hair in my face,  
__And the way your innocence tastes.  
__And I think you should know this,  
__You deserve much better than me._

"Are you busy right now El?"

"Not at all." He took a deep breath, and couldn't believe how nervous he was.

"Could we...could we go someplace to talk?" He knew that he didn't deserve her but he had been given a second chance, even if only to explain himself. He wasn't going to screw it up this time.

**A/N: **Sorry I'm evil I know, but would my stories be as interesting if I was nice all the time? Anyways, I **do **plan on continuing this so don't worry!!! Just go review or I won't!! ;)


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